January 2012
3 posts
Dr Doolittle
My dog has been driving me nuts the past couple weeks. I don’t know what her deal is and I need to figure out before she gets too crazy. She’s just too excitable and because she is huge she ends up hurting me a lot. Good thing she’s so cute! Speaking of animals I rode a horse today that I am looking into buying. I shouldn’t be spending the moneys but I really want to get...
December 2011
2 posts
20 years from now...
This Christmas was great. Got to spend time with my family and my boyfriend. Our families met for the first time and it went well :) A couple nights ago the bf started talking about us and his feelings. He said that he felt at home here with me and he hasn’t felt at home for a long time. He also said that he looks at the house and backyard and sees it in 20 years. It made me so happy I was...
November 2011
2 posts
I Predict A Riot.
Last night I worked my second 16 hour shift in a row. Our unit had a mini riot and we had 4 guys in seclusion. It was so stressful, I thank god I was in the med room, but that is also a problem. I am pretty much under a lot of scruitiny. I put myself in the position too which sucks. Its to the point where they might write me up and I could be fired if they want to push anything. I also feel like...
Life as We Know It
So a lot has happened in the past few weeks. I moved into a new house and got my dog back. My bf has been living with me which is cool. He has been a huge help and support to me. Its so weird to me to just feel that I actually have someone who will be there no matter what. The new house is great and the dogs are getting along. In other news its been a rough time mentally for me. I have to deal...
September 2011
6 posts
BREAK
Yesterday I was in a funk. I’m not sure exactly what my deal is. Its either my new meds aren’t working or I’m just under a lot of stress from work and moving/buying a house. My boyfriend is hurt as well and that’s made me anxious. I’m scared that if its jsut situational I will make things bad in our relationship. If its meds I’m terrified that I will go so far...
Heres to the freakin Weekend
This week was so stressful at work. I could not keep my cool at most times and have probably made some big mistakes in dealing with coworkers to the point of being reprimanded. I had 2 dr appointments yesterday and took my bf to the dr. Now I’m sitting in the ER because he is in so much pain he can’t talk and his back is spasming .
shit happens
My bf came home early from work today because he was hit by a patient. I’m not sure how bad he actually is cuz he doesn’t tell me much. His neck is jacked up and it hurts pretty bad. We will see what happens at work because of it. This is scarey. Makes me worry every day that something serious can happen to someone I care about that can’t be fixed…
Boom badoom boom Bass
A few nights ago my boyfriend and I had a serious discussion. I came home from a bad day at work and he was in a BAD mood. One of those you just woke up on the wrong side of the bed kind. We ended up going to dinner and the discussion came up about what he’s gonna do when I move and have friends over (from work). His response was “not be there”. So my natural reply was to ask if...
3 tags
Last Friday Night...
On my weekend finally. Its gonna be a nice break since there was lots of drama and stress at work. Slowly realizing that I’m moving in a few weeks… its so crazy! I’m so happy about it and still won’t believe it till I’m actually in the house. I’ve been planning how I’m going to organize the rooms and how I want to paint… I just don’t think...
August 2011
5 posts
Oops I did it again...
So I went to the doctor today and he wants to change my meds. I finally gave in and decided to do it. Its only one med he’s changing. Its all due to the fact that I have been having days where my muscles feel so fatigued that I have to force my self to walk or move. I’ve even come home and been so achy I tear up and curl up on the bed. The dr thinks its due to depression so he’s...
I why why why wonder....
The past couple days have really made me contemplate life decisions I thought I made. My BF has made random joking comments about us having kids and he knows that I want to adopt. I have been seriously thinking about if it would work for me to have kids. The answer at this point I think is that besides all the physical issues the main thing I’m scared of is screwing up the relatinship...
Save Tonight
So daddy came to the rescue and I will now hopefully be in a house by the end of October. I can’t wait to have Daisy Mae back! I miss cuddling with my baby. My bf is super awesome and told me he loves me for the first time. I seriously love him so much its crazy. I’m still a little nervous about being happy but I really think this is gonna last. I want to ask him to move in when I get...
There is nothing like fridays
Last night I found out that the deal on the house might not go thru. Well, probably won’t. I cried. All I want is a stable place to stay for more that 6 months. Its killing me to not have my dog and a yard. My poor boyfriend had to listen to me be all sad and whiney. But he’s great, he made me feel better and didn’t try to fix the problem or push me to stop crying or run away. I...
July 2011
8 posts
Hello, is it me ur looking for?
Put the paperwork for the house into the title company today. Its so surreal still. I’m so excited and nervous. I hope things all go right. I really want my dog back and I want to get another one. I have all these plans for it. My old roomies bf is going to set up an awesome saltwater fish tank for me.
My bf and I are cool although the work thing is getting rough. People are finding out...
Rain on the weekend
First day off where I didn’t have anything planned or have to go anywhere in a long time. Went to the humane society to play with the animals. It made me a bit sad cuz its where I got Watson. There is a dog there tho that if things work out I want to adopt. He is a weim/lab mix named Paulo. In other news my chinchilla Ned is so hillarious. He runs around the apartment and follows me around....
Let's make it smooth...ROUGH
These past few days its been physically exhausting. I don’t knowj why. My little dog watson has ran away and think he got eaten by coyotes :( I miss him and my poor daisy baby is sad as well my mom said. I’m still waiting on the appraisal to come back which is stressful. Life is full of ups and downs but its going alright for the most part. My bf is awesome. He teases me a lot but...
3 tags
I Just Came to Say Hello
Just got my chinchilla a couple days ago. He is so cute and super sweet, very easy to hold/handle. I’m glad I decided to get him :) I’m awaiting final say on the apraisal of the house I’m trying to buy. I want it so bad! I miss my babies… I am happy with my new man. He is so sweet and I feel like he really cares about me and wants this long term. Although I haven’t...
June 2011
11 posts
4 tags
100th birthday bitches!
Today was my great grandmas birthday party. It was nice seeing her have so much fun with the extended family. We got so much family on her side that I don’t know cuz they live in mexico. Only bad thing is that they mostly only speak spanish. There was one little baby there that was so cute. Made me want to have babies now. Although I know I can’t have my own its still hard sometimes...
Home again home again
Sitting at home watching Game of Thrones with my fam. Love the show. So well done. My grandmas 100th birthday party is this weekend so I gotta help out. Bummed that I have to be away from my man two weeks in a row though. Been getting closer and closer to buying a house. Now when I need to save money all I want is to get a cat or chinchilla. Haven’t decided which yet. I’m so rediculous...
“You look happy, what ya thinking about?
I’m just thinkin bout skinny...”
– Work rocks sometimes
“Me: so what is the pain like?
MW: like metal
Me: so stabbing pain?
MW: no...”
– Best quote from work so far this week
Friday night and the feelins right
This whole new relationship has seriously taken me for a loop. I’m happy though :) its a huge thing for me and him. He’s so different and caring and cuddly. We have so much in common too its rediculous. He was paranoid that he would be to clingy and push me away. I just laughed. My ultimate fantasy was to have a codependant relationship. Lol. The other day I was saying I miss my dog...
Life goes on
Well this is interesting… I am now in some sort of undefined relationship with one of my coworkers. Apparently he has liked me for a long time but never said anything about it till now. He’s got the same sense of humor as I do and is very affectionate which is nice cuz that’s how I am too. The only problem is that we both work on the same unit and have one supervisor that...
May 2011
7 posts
One night in Bangkok
So I been trying to chill and relax. Taking time to just get myself togther and not put any pressure on myself. Its been going good so far, I’ve been missing my ex tho. More for the companionship than him actually. Going back on Okcupid chatting casually. What threw me for a loop was the guy at work who said that we should go to Disneyland together. He’s a decent guy and we laugh a...
Thor
Saw Thor with my bro today. Of corse I loved it. The nordic stories are always interesting, plus hot people. Lol. In other news I’m just relaxing and going back to work sun. I think I will be able to move on. Its going to be hard but he’s making it easier by being such a retard and jerk. Typical ex crap that I’m just not used to.
Time in a bottle
I am so done with people and alcohol. My dad is an alcoholic and is completely obnoxious when he drinks too much. And my ex was an alcoholic and towards the end he got back into drinking too much. Then basically said that I stressed him out and made him unhappy and that lead to him drinking again. I have my own problems with alcohol and impulsivity, etc. I need someone to be there for me and not...
Seriously?
so I get a message on OKcupid from the ex saying he feels I’m stalking him. Wtf? The only reason I even saw his profile was the stupid match thing. Its so rediculous. I can’t win anything. Would have been almost a week without talking to him until he did that shit. I’m so ready to move on now. He doesn’t even know me if he thinks that shit. He was the one that kept playing...
Alright what now?
So I have been doing alright for the past few days. Then I decide to go on OKcupid. Of course when I click on the random matches who does it match me with? The ex! I guess he’s movin on. I hope he finds someone who is accepting of him as a whole. He deserves that and someone who will make him happy. As do I.
What ever happened to baby Jane
Well he’s being an ass. I don’t know where this is coming from. He never was like this before. I pushed him over the edge. I can’t believe he is being like this. It hurts and is pissing me off. I just want him to let me go or let me back into his life. I guess this means that I let him go. For good.
One day at a time
Haven’t heard from the ex for a week. I shouldn’t be supprised but I just don’t know what to think. My therapist thinks that I need to ask him if there is any possibility of getting back together in the future. I want to but I don’t know if I will have that chance. I messed up so bad. He did too but I pushed him away for no reason. All in all I just want to be able to see...
April 2011
32 posts
Why so Serious?
So my big confession is this. I saw my ex the other day. And we had sex. The craziest part is that he was the one who asked for it. Not so shocking you say? This is the same guy who I was living with and didn’t touch me for weeks. And who went for years after he had his kid with out it. Of corse this is a bad idea but damn. The sex was always AMAZING. Both he and I know it. Its one of those...
I'm fractured from the fall and I wanna go home.
I just can’t make it through this. I remember that 7 or 8 months ago I was feeling this same way. I made it through then but it was because I met the bf. Had he not come into my life I don’t know what would have happened. Right now I just am not sure. I’m really afraid that I will hurt myself. I don’t want to but I don’t know what else to do to make the pain stop.
FML
Today is a bad day. I don’t know why. I miss my ex so much. Its one of those days. Even tho I could name ten things he said to make me feel bad, I could say I did just as many to him. For all the bad and stuff we had a genuine passion and caring for eachother. I miss that. I want to see him again and I hope he will let me. Just to say hi. I miss MJ and all her energy. Most of all I want to...
Days go by
So I was not expecting this but I got a text from exbf this afternoon. After I had made a determined effort not to message him… it was just about mail that he had that had come for me. It was nice of him not to just throw it away but we will see if he actually sees me when I go get it or just “be gone”. I don’t know what will happen but I would like to just see him again...
